Coercive Control of Children / Abuse by Proxy
Coercive control of children as a weapon of abuse against mothers has been a feature of domestic abuse since time began as my mother would say. I grew up in a coercively controlling home where clear communication in the home was absent. Secrecy was a common feature of how any seemingly ordinary situation was dealt with. Secrets between a parent and child against the other parent whether I the child wanted secrecy or not. There is another old saying that knowledge is power and therefore the keeping of secrets is the disempowerment of the one left in the dark. Then there is a saying that mother knows best and she usually does as a parent, she knows hoe to mother her children. She is more likely to be protective and more likely to ask for help from her child’s father until a revelation occurs and she realises that to do so would endanger her child. Men who threaten to kill children as a means of control should be believed. Mothers who declare to be worried about this must be believed. Anything else is denying abuse, supporting secrecy and endangering children’s lives. If a child refuses contact then that child must be given the space to breathe. Forcing any particular outcome is compounding coercive control and closing the door on victims of abuse who are clearly crying for help.